Dual....:-)
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
