Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You're like the curious george of whores
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
