If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
