meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
