Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
