Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
