Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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