It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
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we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
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You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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