He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You ruined the universe
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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