you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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