Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
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I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
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Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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