I seem to have left my pride at pride
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
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