She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
