My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
