I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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