its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
