If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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