Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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