OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
