Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
