I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
