i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
