I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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