I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
