Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
