i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
