Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
