My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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