Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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