i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
