Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
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just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
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I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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