I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
