I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
