WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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