I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
