drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
