I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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