you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
