I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She told me I should be a condom model.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
