just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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