Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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