fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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