We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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