We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
