i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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