I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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