goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
