dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
