literally had 100 drinks last night.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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