i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize