You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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