Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
