Swine flu. Run for my life!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
