she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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