bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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