I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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