If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We left an ass print on the piano.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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