I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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