Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
